memoirs of a geek

hear ye hear ye!!
I know I havent been all that present in the communities for a while...denial or guilt or defiance, maybe all of the above.
Either way I'm back, and in a big way (no pun intended).

I NEED a texting buddy. Preferably in Canada...since I have unlimited texts.

Help me out chicas, I'm desperate.

Thanks :)

yes yes yes, it's been forever...
not to say I haven't been here; I've been reading posts almost every day, I just haven't had the heart to write.

I was doing so well, i've lost 10 lbs in less than two weeks, i even noticed the difference.
I just had an ouber bad experience at my best friend's house. I know I'm making into something it's not, I just can't help it.

It's her birthday so a bunch of us went over to her house to pre-drink; no problem, I'm a good drinking and I really enjoy myself usually....not tonight.
I was feeling really uneasy when I left my house, not sure what it was really, but I couldnt shake the feeling.
So i got there, things were going alright, my friend's sisters were commenting on my weight, saying how i looked good (not gonna lie, it felt GREAT getting those comments)- but i still couldn't shake the uneasy feeling.
The night progressed, people kept arriving, the comments stopped... k i know, what a jerk, i think i deserve comments? no i dont think i do...well i guess i did? i'm not sure. It just made me feel huge. I kept going to the bathroom and checking in the mirror, to make sure i didn't look huge. i was frantic.
If that isn't bad enough i started to eat...bad news bears... as i was about to put a peice of pasta (YES PASTA WHAT THE FUCK) in my mouth, my friend's sister SLAPS my arm and says " dont eat that!! it's carbs and you'r fat! FATSO" and she grabs my love handle.

wow i've never felt to humilatied in my life! I wasnt sure what to do so i just laughed nervously...
all that to say i left my friend's house early. i couldn't do through the night knowing that i was huge.
i feel terrible. she's my best friend and i couldn't even get through the night.... mind you i've had the flu for 3 days so i had an excuse...it just sucks i felt that way.
i'm so upset.
damn it.

went out last night, got smaaashed...only thing is, I only had 1 beer...ONE beer and I was shmamered....how is that possible?!
I'll tell you how; I ate a mini potato for dinner and that's it for the day...LOVE IT!

We went out dancing so i'm convinced I burned some calories, but ofcourse my friends wanted to get food after.
Amazingly enough I didn't get anything. I know this probably isn't a big accomplishment for many people. but for me it's huge. Going to get food after drinking is a ritual, a tradition that's been happening since my under-aged days of drinking, and I FINALLY proved to myself that I didn't need to eat. I looked at the menu for ages, went back and forth -- yeah I'll have that.... No, I really dont want anything... Well maybe just this....-- and finally opted for the better option; nothing. I drank four glasses of ice water and was inwardly beaming at my accomploshment.
My friend's stuffed their faces and seemed to be enjoying themselves but I dont think they were half as happy as I was.

All this to say I'm extremely happy with myself.
And now I know I never have to eat when I'm drinking again! Eff that's an amazing thought.

Heart.

alright, time to get the ball rolling...
writing things down makes it more concrete. So here goes nothing, plan for the next week...

Monday:
wake up 9am, coffee, read book
11am -12pm - work out
12-1230, stretch
1230-1 shower, chill, sort out face
1 - lunch : 1 cup cauliflower, 6 baby carrots
2, go for a walk
3, nap
5, paint - dinner - 2 mushrooms + a cup broccoli cooked.
7, gym, bike 1 hour
9, read book, sleep

Tuesday.
wake up 9am, coffee, read book.
11 - 12- work out
12-1230 stretch
12-2 - finish painting
2-3- shower
330- picked up for party
430- clean house/prepare space for party
6-nap
730- start drinking (TEQUILA BABY!)
2am - stop drinking- avoid drunk munchies.

Wednesday.
wake up really hungover
drink mad amounts of water
get home, nap
8pm gym, eliptical 45 mins, swim 100laps
10pm sleep

Thursday
start detox!
6Xjuice concoction.
11-12 work out
shower
maybe get a job? meh.
go shopping - aka motivation
7pm, gym, bike 60 mins
9pm sleep

Friday
9am wake up, water (no coffee on detox..bah)
11-12 work out
12-1 shower
TBA

Saturday
sleep in :)
12 work out, bike 1 hour
230-3 shower, get ready for BBQ
5- bbq at reb's, watch out...still on detox. remember concoction!
12- home, sleep.

Sunday
sleep in :)
12 work out
TBA

humm so yeah. that should work.
good. that's done.

I think I stopped coming on here because my computer was getting reformated and I was scared someone might see the site.
whatevs... I'm back :)
so I've been reading the posts, checking people out, figuring out what the deal is and I'm at home again.

Today has been a good day, after many bad ones...
I've only had about 700cals...and trust me, after yesterday, it's a leap and a bound better.
worked out on the bike, burned 173 cals...not bad... could be better.

working tomorrow then partying... I know beer has mad calories but... I like beer. If I dont eat at all tomorrow I should be able to have 6 beers. aka 600 calories.

I'm really motivated right now. I lost 25 lbs and gained 10 back in the last week or so... k well maybe not 10 back, but 6...and if you round that up, it's 10....and either way! 1lb back is too much. I want to go DOWN not UP.
By mid august I'd like to lose 25 lbs... I'm sure it's possible, I just need to focus.

That's the deal. 25 lbs.... 600-800 cals/day and 0 on selected days.
Yes, I like my plan.

Good, now that that's sorted out.

x

alright alright alright!
so been havign some crazyness going on in life.
my weigh in day was yesterday and i've lost 10 lbs in a week. BRAAAP!
i'm just not eating very much anymore, i feel super guilty when i do. even like 5 grapes seems to be too much.
i'm really mad i haven't been exercising though, i've been so busy. i shouldn't be making excuses though, there aren't any.
i'm in exam period at uni at the mo and studying is my life. it ensures i dont eat atleast! i'm held up in the library most of the time and i dont bring money so i can't go to the coffee shop and get sweets or high cal crap.
i just ate 6 baby carrots and 4 pieces of cauliflower steamed for breakfast. that should last me until tonight... or even better tomorrow.
I'm going to try and hit the gym after class, but i'm just so tired at night after 5 hours of straight lectures.

had a bit of drama two nights ago. my friend and i went out to dinner and i had a veggie wrap...i hadn't eaten that much food in one sitting in a while so my stomach was killing after. i had resolved in my head to purge. there's no way i could keep all that in me.
got back to her house (all the while complaining i was feeling ill) and i went upstairs and got sick. thing is her house is well small and her mom came out and was like "are you oK?!" so i felt flustered and was liek "yeah, i just felt sick, i ate too much". i have a feeling she's suspicious. which sucks because i love her mom. apparently my friend has a big mouth because she told some other of our friends...does that mean she's suspicious too? i hope not. i dont want anything getting in my way.

moral of the story, be more careful!!!! and don't go out to dinner....seriously what was i thinking?!

have to get going, have an exam in an hour.
goodluck to me

xxx

i've noticed i'm not the best journal writer.
i get carried away with sleeping and reading all the posts and i just dont write
i'm going to start trying harder.

k so iv'e been doing pretty well lately.
trying hard not to eat. last night wasn't my proudest moment, but it wasn't my weakest either. went to a movie and had 15 choc. almonds, 5 jube jubes and 4 key ring things...which honestly isn't that bad...concidering i hadn't eaten since wednesday.
after the movie went and got pho...super amazing vietnamese soup that is low cal and the most filling meal ever.
plus the hot sauce is my favorit food. goes on anything.
am at work again...i hate working saturdays.
my mom's friend brought in some food for me, she's nice like that...
had a few mixed nuts (atleast it's protein right?)
i plan on hitting the gym tonight. i'm still feeling sick though; nose is perma blocked.
it's my friend's going away party tonight so i'm guessing alc. will be involved. a pint in his honor wont kill me but it will destroy my success.
i pledge not to binge tonight. i can't. i'm doing so well. next weigh in is Tuesday. i have to have dropped 5 lbs or else...
my clothes are fitting weirdly now. that's a good sign. i need new pants...but not yet. give me another month.
i'm loving all the posts. they keep me wanting more and striving for more.
love to all
xxx

alright then.
so dizzy. so so so dizzy.
did terribly yesterday. it was my annual pie baking day (yeah random, ti's the 6th year running though) so i was obviously around food all day.
had some brie with pita (dont even want to know the cals in that shit)
had a few apple slices (making apple pies...it only made sense right?)
and bits of dough (you think the imagine of being a dough girl would stop me form eatiang dough... think again)
to top this baby off, it was my friends birthday so we went out
shared two bottles of white wine with her,
her boyfriend got us shots at the bar
had a few pints bought for me too... it's not like you can say "no thank you " when they put it infront of you.
---yeah you might think i'd draw the line there... nope not even close
my friend was ouber hungry and decided we all had to go to a diner after...urg
had a poutine (for those of you who aren't canadian, it's fries+cheese curds+gravy ... nutritous much?)
anyway i didn't eat it all (thank goodness) and i drowned myself in water.
i got home purged everything up, have a few broken blood vessels under my eye today (not so great) but i'm more at ease about last night having done that.
i'm so bloated today it's not even funny. i want to crawl into a ball and die.

the decline continues tonight, annual kegger. (lots of annual things around thanksgiving i guess)
i'm going to try and do well though, since i'm not eating i'll get crunked faster, which means less beer. and water will be my best friend tonight.

best of luck to you...and to me.
xxx

right well, been lagging on my journal.
i'm swamped with uni. have had two midterms, have three papers due tomorrow and a huge assgnment due friday. the problem is, i know i have all this stuff to do, i just dont seem to be doing it. i'm tired and not motivated at all.
atleast one aspecct of my life seems to be on track. fasted yesterday and am continuing today. went to the shop to get some coffee and all they had was flavoured...so it sucks because there are actually calories. i couldn't help it, i was cold and had just finished my midterm. needed a little boost before my other class.
jsut got in and have been reading the posts. i'm planing on going to the library, that way perhaprs i'll get this stuff sorted.
i'm really tired. had too much caffein last night before bed, really screwed me over when it came to bed time.
after today things should be looking up. if i get all these papers done, it's smooth sailing.
i'm rambling, it's more for me then anything else.

wednesday i'm going out, i'm going to try and pull being DD, that way i dont have to drink beer and i can just chill with my diet coke.
thursday going out yet again, i'll def be DD then, diet coke here i come!
friday going out big style, i already know i'm going to be drinking to excess, hence the week long fast.
i'm pumped for friday, going out to a club for a friend, then there's a bon fire...long weekend too. sweet as.

lost 5 lbs....only a zillion more to go.
do it.
xxx

What is one crazy thing you would like to learn to do?

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ah, 16 hours of pure uninterrupted sleep!
i feel like a pile of gold. today is going to be a good day.
although i am going to the docs...not fun, but whatever. i'm so rested.
diet pill time is coming up, how fun.
i think mom is taking me out for lunch after the docs...how am i supposed to get out of that one? i'll just say i need to study or go to the library. she's more concerned with my succeeding in school then my eating at the moment.

i have so much word to do for uni anyways...sorta lagging behind. not good.

have a gorgeous day.
xxx

humm,
well today was interesting. i did alot of laughing. it was really nice. drove a few hours to the city to shop with friends and laughed. for the first time in a long time. my abs are actually sore! (score).
the only bad thing is i couldn't get away with my fast. i woke up at 5 with my friends and have just come home 12 hours later. it's practically impossible to maintain stealth when you're glued to people every minute of the day.
atleast i laughed.
tomorrow is a new day! lots to do. lots to avoid...you know the drill.
hope things are good.
laugh a bit, it's so enjoyable... (obvious much?)
xxx

work today. was shit.
diet pill
coffee + 1 biscotti.
diet pill
4 crakers + feta cheese
a few slices of greek pizza (was that really necessary? honestly.)

i'm getting increasingly frustrated. i have to learn to get past the 7pm hunger. that's what always gets me. 7 pm. the worst time ever.

i'm so confused. this site is giving me a head ache. i think i need a user's guide or something... ha
poor me.